Weekend worries

I have spent a lot of this weekend worrying.

Worrying about what this drug will do to me, how will it make me feel, will I get depressed again, how will we both cope, what will the withdrawal bleed be like?!!!

Despite discussing my fears with my husband and we both agreed that I need to know if this works for me so I know if a hysterectomy would work for me I am still scared.

All women’s reactions are different and although I have taken a similar drug before ivf called buserilin I am more scared due to the month long injection meaning I couldn’t just stop it if it makes me poorly.

I will have to ride the storm and drag my butt through the hard times. It is worse the risk in some ways as I am already having night sweats from hell and pain every day so at least I know that is something I can kind of get through. 

This weekend I have managed the pain although today I have a more intense cramp that seems to feel a little like period pain added into the bowel pain. I have had 3 urgent bowel movements and it is making me scared that the bowel bleeding may be on its way. 

I am continuing the mefernamic acid 3 times a day and it has helped, I will only add in the Condeine should if get much worse. 

I went to holland and Barrett yesterday to seek advise about supplements I could take to help ease the menopause like symptoms I will be getting.

I was given evening primrose oil for hormonal balance and black co-hosh root for hot flushes and night sweats to start with. I will see how I react to the drug first and I will get advise on hrt and if I should have something added in to help alleviate any symptoms. 

I am feeling a bit of a disappointment to my husband and his family at the moment. So much is on hold and awaiting my recovery but I am powerless to do anything about it. 

I miss my friends, laughing, joking and making plans. Although I enjoy relaxing it is becoming a necessity rather than a choice. 

I am having a soak in a hot bath and thinking about what’s to come. 

Very apprehensive but feeling I don’t have a lot of choice. Something needs to change so in may as well take the gamble. 

I want my body and confidence back. 

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