Day 20

Let’s start by going back a couple of days.

After a low mood, and a few days of reflecting and thinking I suggested my hubby and I had a night out on Saturday.

We had a voucher to use for a meal and I really felt like I needed a night out.

We booked a table and on the Saturday I had a soak in a bubble bath, facial scrub and spot treatment, re coloured my hair and shaved my legs. 

That afternoon we had a very detailed discussion and I opened up about how I am feeling and the choices we had to make. I wanted the feel that whatever I decided he wouldn’t resent me and understood and supported my decisions.

He was very open and for the first time in a while I felt he heard me. 

I had a nap in the afternoon and I put on some tunes to cheer me up and put on a full face of makeup and straightened my hair. I put on a little black dress and I felt good. My hubby couldn’t keep his eyes of me and I felt nicer than I have in a long time. 

We had a drink by a fireplace in the restaurant, and we sat for dinner. 

At the table we talked again about our future, my treatment options and next steps. 

I am feeling confident in the best option to take. We had a lovely dinner, and stopped for a cocktail after. As we were heading home I had the unfamiliar feeling of not wanting to go home, I wanted to go out somewhere else. 

We went to a local pub with a dj and we stood by the dance floor people watching and dancing a little together. 

When we got home the tunes were on the TV and we laughed, joked, and kissed like we had just met and I felt truly loved and adored. I had a later night that usual as I didn’t want the feeling to end.

I felt like for a while I could put things aside and enjoy some time together. 

We have been able to learn from each other and grow a little this weekend and I hope this will be the start of getting things back on track. 

My pre op appointment has now been moved to the 9th march but I still have an appointment with the consultant on Wednesday which my hubby will come with me to. We have a lot of questions and our decision to discuss. 

I will publish more about this in a few days.

Side effect wise I am coming to what I think is the end of my period but I can’t be sure. I have had about 4 days in a row of a headache coldy feeling but it seems to have passed. I have had a lot of hot flushes today and night sweats. I also have a lot of pimples on face and neck. 

Other than that pain is the occasional small ache or twinge in ovary but it’s minimal. 

I now have two weeks to get work up to date for my department and get myself prepared for surgery. Time seems to be going quick all of a sudden.

I had some flowers brought round by a friend today and it made me feel like people do care and that they understand the reason I have gone quiet and I don’t contact much is because I am facing my own battles each day at a time 

I am very lucky to have so many people that care around me 

I am thinking about having a very small tattoo in a discreet place that recognises the battle and decisions we are making. Perhaps a lovely fertility symbol, baby bird or something to that effect. 

Off to bed now I am shattered from my busy brain! 

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