Lots to think about 

Today I have been thinking a lot, this was mainly after my telephone counsellor session at lunchtime. 

We talked mainly about closeness, intimacy and my body confidence.. I admitted I feel ‘broken’ and that has made me lost my confidence and playful nature. 

I have forgotten how to be ‘normal’ and live a normal life. She asked me to try and recapture the things my hubby and I enjoyed doing before and make plans to go out together again. Even a short walk on the beach or a game of cards. 

We have got into a routine of tech and tv which worked well for us when I was very poorly but now i feel it has made us lose a connection and closeness we had. 

We talked tonight, and at last I felt like he was telling me how he felt and I was explaining how how processes differ. Just talking face to face made me feel like we are listening to each other and that we can get back on track. 

Yes I am expecting too much of myself at times and I am still recovering, we both need to look after each other. 

This disease has a lot to answer for in regards to the sufferer and the partner. I believe that couples in our position should be offered counselling to deal with the changes and challenges you face together. It’s a massive strain and I think it could have really helped us at times. 

I had my pre assessment for the colonoscopy tonight but it’s late so I will update tomorrow 

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