Its the end of a long week and I am pretty exhausted. Spent most of the day watching tv in bed, dozing and trying to get rid of the crink in my neck from turning over wrong in my sleep.
It Day 9 of the Evorel Conti HRT patches. I am impressed with t he clear look of them and the fact I can shower without worrying about it coming off. I am due to change the patch again today although the dr said I could leave it a day longer if I wanted and I was worried about effects.
I do feel a lot more tired, on and off irritated but I am getting to sleep quicker and waking up less times. However when I do wake up I am sweating a lot. The hot flashes are definitely less regular and I think they are passing quicker. My tummy has had the on and off pains and a bit of cramping which has been down to the excess wind. Every time I cramp I fear the symptoms from the Endo will come back.
I also feel a lot more focused on the things I am doing and at work I have felt more driven to help etc. Although I get stressed sometimes if I feel I have something to do and I think I should be doing it faster. Its like frustration that doesn’t really need to be there.
I am still feeling less than myself when it comes to my power as a woman, or sexuality. I just don’t feel it or see it in myself. Not really sure how to get that back or how to work on it. I think I have been so focused on looking out for others and worrying about things I cant fix that I haven’t been looking out for no 1.
We are going away with my brother and sister in law on Monday to Amsterdam. I am really looking forward to it, and the few days after I have off too. I am going to use some of the time to sort out the expanse of stuff we have stored in the bedroom. Half of which we do not need.
I am learning about myself everyday and about how my journey and solutions are so different to everyone else. What works for one doesn’t work for another, and we make our own destiny. I can be selfish and consumed in my own battles but at the same time be so selfless that I harm myself. Finding that balance I am sure is a struggle a lot of people have in their lives.
Its not about how many times you get knocked down, its about how many times you get back up and how you handle it. Its important to find the positives in things that may have been traumatic, but are now your life.
I want to take some time to evaluate what’s really important and what I want to achieve with the rest of my life. What new adventures we will experience that we don’t know are ahead. Learning to appreciate what we have and not what we cant have.
I am so lucky to have a loving husband, family, friends and workplace who are supportive, I have a roof over my head and a future……. the rest of the story is to be written so I shouldn’t give up too easy.